I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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