Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
