I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Come see our sink grown plant.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dick very happy bro
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
