tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize