you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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