he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
