yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
