Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
