one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
