Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize