At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
