i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
