does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
