babies were throwing up all over the place
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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