How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
