i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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