I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
