my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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