I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've blown a few things in my day
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Success! We fucked roommates!
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