Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
