He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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