guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
