Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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