I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
