Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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