I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
