This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
