Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
