i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
