Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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