made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
