Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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