I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
