I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
