Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
