You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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