Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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