I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i came on her dog
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My bed is full of blood and feathers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
