i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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