...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He passed out mid-signature
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
