hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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