no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
