i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
bring money and cleavage
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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