And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize