am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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