You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
