I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my poor anus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
