i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
