Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
