I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize