we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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