I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
