I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
