I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
