Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
