I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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