i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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