His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
