I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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