thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you win again, gameday.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
