just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
