I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
try to milk me bitch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
