I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
