It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
