Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
