The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
